Law firm representing child custody and other issues regarding child advocacy in High Point NC

Image of a happy father hugging his smiling little girl

SERVICES

Divorce Child Custody Separation Child Support Equitable Distribution Parenting Coordination Spousal Support Guardian Ad Litem Special Proceedings Simple Estate Planning

CONTACT US

 1208 Eastchester Dr. #101 High Point, NC 27265  336.882.0700 (p)  336.889.3977 (f)

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Our practice is limited to residents of Guilford, Davidson and Randolph counties in North Carolina.

The information contained in this site is limited to North Carolina law, and is for information purposes only. Please see our disclaimer for full details.

Copyright © Sams Law Firm, PC. All rights reserved. Web development by A Better Web, Inc.

CHILDREN Make sure you are fully aware of the regulations regarding child custody and child support before proceeding. Contact our office for a Consultation Appointment

CUSTODY: MAINTAINING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Child custody can be a complicated and highly emotional issue for all those involved. Many changes occur when parents who once parented in the same home are now trying to parent in two homes. The ability of the parents to work together for the benefit of their children is the best indicator of whether the children will successfully transition to being parented under two roofs. "The Co-Parenting Survival Guide" by Elizabeth S. Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman is an excellent resource for any parent who wants to improve their co-parenting skills. The children who do well after divorce have parents who communicate effectively and collaborate as parents. A way to assist children's transition into their new living situation is to repeatedly tell them that the divorce is not their fault. Explain to the child what will and will not be different as they make the transition. This must be done in a positive and non- accusatory manner to minimize a child's adverse reaction. This information is best in small amounts and repeated over days and weeks, as the child may be in a state of emotional distress and feel over-stimulated. It is critical to listen to the child, acknowledge their feelings and reassure them they are loved. The conflict children are exposed to during and right after their parents stop living together is critical to their adjustment. Both parents need to maintain a solid, positive relationship with their children and continue to be involved in their life. Parents are their children's role models. Children learn how to interact in relationships based on what they observe around them. If their parents succeed in maintaining a positive relationship, children will mimic this in their own life and have positive relationships. There are several ways to maintain a positive relationship with the other parent. Avoid using negative statements about the other parent in the presence of the children. Remove the children from the presence of any 3rd party making negative statements about the other parent. Remember the walls have ears. Children listen to adult conversations. Know what is being said around the children and the volume of the speaker's voice if the children are nearby. Do not ask the children to relay messages to the other parent on your behalf as it places children in the middle. Communicate directly with the other parent. Email and text messages are an efficient way to discuss concerns when face to face conversations are difficult. Exchanges of the children are not the time to discuss custodial issues. Communication with the other parent should be done in a businesslike manner. Imagine that the other parent is a co-worker and that you are in the business of raising healthy, well-adjusted children. A simple trick to appropriate communication is avoiding the word "you". The word "you" places blame on the other parent. It makes them defensive and less likely to listen to the concerns expressed. For example, instead of saying "Johnny came home crying yesterday; what did you do?" say "Johnny came home crying yesterday; what happened?" Keep emails and text messages short. Use bullets if necessary for organization. Do not send multiple emails in one day. The other parent will become frustrated and may not respond if they perceive it as harassment. Try to consolidate the messages and delete any unnecessary emotional sentences that may come across as hostile. WhatsApp is an excellent app to use for text communication because the user can easily print a history of the messages in lieu of using screen shots and the messages tend to be short. Children's schedules become complicated as they age. Attempting to coordinate their schedules when they live in two homes is not impossible, but can be difficult. Online shared calendars are the key to avoiding confusion and keeping everyone on the same page. Cozi.com, 2houses.com, OurFamilyWizard.com and Google all have online calendars that can be utilized for this purpose. Do not engage with the other parent if they are being unreasonably hostile and aggressive. Silence is the best defense to stupidity. If a message contains legitimate concerns among other unwarranted statements, highlight the fair concerns with a highlighter. Only respond to the items highlighted. Last, do not respond to messages when exhausted and/or emotional. Give yourself time to calm down, so nothing is said that will be regretted later.

CUSTODY: MAINTAINING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Child custody can be a complicated and highly emotional issue for all those involved. Many changes occur when parents who once parented in the same home are now trying to parent in two homes. The ability of the parents to work together for the benefit of their children is the best indicator of whether the children will successfully transition to being parented under two roofs. "The Co-Parenting Survival Guide" by Elizabeth S. Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman is an excellent resource for any parent who wants to improve their co-parenting skills. The children who do well after divorce have parents who communicate effectively and collaborate as parents. A way to assist children's transition into their new living situation is to repeatedly tell them that the divorce is not their fault. Explain to the child what will and will not be different as they make the transition. This must be done in a positive and non- accusatory manner to minimize a child's adverse reaction. This information is best in small amounts and repeated over days and weeks, as the child may be in a state of emotional distress and feel over-stimulated. It is critical to listen to the child, acknowledge their feelings and reassure them they are loved. The conflict children are exposed to during and right after their parents stop living together is critical to their adjustment. Both parents need to maintain a solid, positive relationship with their children and continue to be involved in their life. Parents are their children's role models. Children learn how to interact in relationships based on what they observe around them. If their parents succeed in maintaining a positive relationship, children will mimic this in their own life and have positive relationships. There are several ways to maintain a positive relationship with the other parent. Avoid using negative statements about the other parent in the presence of the children. Remove the children from the presence of any 3rd party, making negative statements about the other parent. Remember the walls have ears. Children listen to adult conversations. Know what is being said around the children and the volume of the speaker's voice if the children are nearby. Do not ask the children to relay messages to the other parent on your behalf as it places children in the middle. Communicate directly with the other parent. Email and text messages are an efficient way to discuss concerns when face to face conversations are difficult. Exchanges of the children are not the time to discuss custodial issues. Communication with the other parent should be done in a businesslike manner. Imagine that the other parent is a co-worker and that you are in the business of raising healthy, well-adjusted children. A simple trick to appropriate communication is avoiding the word "you". The word "you" places blame on the other parent. It makes them defensive and less likely to listen to the concerns expressed. For example, instead of saying "Johnny came home crying yesterday; what did you do?" say "Johnny came home crying yesterday; what happened?" Keep emails and text messages short. Use bullets if necessary for organization. Do not send multiple emails in one day. The other parent will become frustrated and may not respond if they perceive it as harassment. Try to consolidate the messages and delete any unnecessary emotional sentences that may come across as hostile. WhatsApp is an excellent app to use for text communication because the user can easily print a history of the messages in lieu of using screen shots and the messages tend to be short. Children's schedules become complicated as they age. Attempting to coordinate their schedules when they live in two homes is not impossible, but can be difficult. Online shared calendars are the key to avoiding confusion and keeping everyone on the same page. Cozi.com, 2houses.com, OurFamilyWizard.com and Google all have online calendars that can be utilized for this purpose. Do not engage with the other parent if they are being unreasonably hostile and aggressive. Silence is the best defense to stupidity. If a message contains legitimate concerns among other unwarranted statements, highlight the fair concerns with a highlighter. Only respond to the items highlighted. Last, do not respond to messages when exhausted and/or emotional. Give yourself time to calm down, so nothing is said that will be regretted later.

SERVICES

Divorce Child Custody Separation Child Support Equitable Distribution Parenting Coordination Spousal Support Guardian Ad Litem Special Proceedings Simple Estate Planning

CONTACT US

 1208 Eastchester Dr. #101 High Point, NC 27265  336.882.0700 (p)  336.889.3977 (f)

Our practice is limited to residents of Guilford, Davidson

and Randolph counties in North Carolina.

The information contained in this site is limited to North

Carolina law, and is for information purposes only.

Please see our disclaimer for full details.

Copyright © Sams Law Firm, PC. All rights reserved.

Web development by A Better Web, Inc.

CHILDREN Make sure you are fully aware of the regulations regarding child custody and child support before proceeding. Contact our office for a Consultation Appointment

CUSTODY: MAINTAINING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Child custody can be a complicated and highly emotional issue for all those involved. Many changes occur when parents who once parented in the same home are now trying to parent in two homes. The ability of the parents to work together for the benefit of their children is the best indicator of whether the children will successfully transition to being parented under two roofs. "The Co-Parenting Survival Guide" by Elizabeth S. Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman is an excellent resource for any parent who wants to improve their co-parenting skills. The children who do well after divorce have parents who communicate effectively and collaborate as parents. A way to assist children's transition into their new living situation is to repeatedly tell them that the divorce is not their fault. Explain to the child what will and will not be different as they make the transition. This must be done in a positive and non- accusatory manner to minimize a child's adverse reaction. This information is best in small amounts and repeated over days and weeks, as the child may be in a state of emotional distress and feel over- stimulated. It is critical to listen to the child, acknowledge their feelings and reassure them they are loved. The conflict children are exposed to during and right after their parents stop living together is critical to their adjustment. Both parents need to maintain a solid, positive relationship with their children and continue to be involved in their life. Parents are their children's role models. Children learn how to interact in relationships based on what they observe around them. If their parents succeed in maintaining a positive relationship, children will mimic this in their own life and have positive relationships. There are several ways to maintain a positive relationship with the other parent. Avoid using negative statements about the other parent in the presence of the children. Remove the children from the presence of any 3rd party making negative statements about the other parent. Remember the walls have ears. Children listen to adult conversations. Know what is being said around the children and the volume of the speaker's voice if the children are nearby. Do not ask the children to relay messages to the other parent on your behalf as it places children in the middle. Communicate directly with the other parent. Email and text messages are an efficient way to discuss concerns when face to face conversations are difficult. Exchanges of the children are not the time to discuss custodial issues. Communication with the other parent should be done in a businesslike manner. Imagine that the other parent is a co-worker and that you are in the business of raising healthy, well-adjusted children. A simple trick to appropriate communication is avoiding the word "you". The word "you" places blame on the other parent. It makes them defensive and less likely to listen to the concerns expressed. For example, instead of saying "Johnny came home crying yesterday; what did you do?" say "Johnny came home crying yesterday; what happened?" Keep emails and text messages short. Use bullets if necessary for organization. Do not send multiple emails in one day. The other parent will become frustrated and may not respond if they perceive it as harassment. Try to consolidate the messages and delete any unnecessary emotional sentences that may come across as hostile. WhatsApp is an excellent app to use for text communication because the user can easily print a history of the messages in lieu of using screen shots and the messages tend to be short. Children's schedules become complicated as they age. Attempting to coordinate their schedules when they live in two homes is not impossible, but can be difficult. Online shared calendars are the key to avoiding confusion and keeping everyone on the same page. Cozi.com, 2houses.com, OurFamilyWizard.com and Google all have online calendars that can be utilized for this purpose. Do not engage with the other parent if they are being unreasonably hostile and aggressive. Silence is the best defense to stupidity. If a message contains legitimate concerns among other unwarranted statements, highlight the fair concerns with a highlighter. Only respond to the items highlighted. Last, do not respond to messages when exhausted and/or emotional. Give yourself time to calm down, so nothing is said that will be regretted later.

GUARDIAN AD LITEM A Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) can be used if the Court wants more information to make a custodial decision and can assist the Court in understanding the children's position without the need to bring the child to Court to testify. In North Carolina, there are three different types of Guardians Ad Litem. The three types of GALs are 1) children's attorney 2) best interest attorney and 3) court-appointed adviser. A GAL children's attorney "provides independent legal representation in a traditional attorney-client relationship, giving the child a strong voice in the proceedings."* The attorney serves as an advocate for the child's wishes and owes the child the duty of loyalty, confidentiality and competent representation. The best interest attorney "independently investigates, assesses, and advocates for the child's best interests as a lawyer."* The attorney's judgment is substituted for that of the child. They must protect the best interest of the child; however, they are not bound by the objectives or directives of the child. The last and most common GAL is a court-appointed adviser. This role differs significantly from the children's attorney and the best interest attorney. The Court appointed adviser is not acting as an attorney. Their job is to investigate the custodial situation and report back to the Court (typically by written report) their findings and recommendations. A court-appointed adviser does not have the duty to maintain confidentiality and will report relevant information obtained from witnesses, the parents, and the children when making their recommendations and findings. *Source: 2012 Formal Ethics Opinion 9 of the North Carolina State Bar

Image of a little girl having fun on a swing

PARENTING COORDINATOR Several tools can assist high conflict families meet the needs of their children. Parenting Coordination is a tool that can be used if a custody order is in place. A Parenting Coordinator (or "PC" for short) is a person with specialized legal and/or mental health training whose goal is to help high conflict families with issues regarding custody and parenting. The focus of the PC is to help the parents in these families comply with the custody order and make parenting decisions in the best interests of their children. The PC process provides education, mediation, and if the parents cannot agree, a decision. A PC is often used when a family has been identified as a high conflict family. The family characteristics that create a need for a PC include excessive litigation, anger and distrust between the parties, verbal abuse, physical aggression or threats of physical aggression, and difficulty communicating about and cooperating in the care of the children. A PC can make minor and/or temporary changes in the custody schedule. They can modify transitions and exchanges of the children for visitation. A PC can assist in health care management for the children and child-rearing issues. They can recommend mental health assistance for the children and their parents. Other areas a PC can assist in include educational decisions for the children, daycare arrangements, and extracurricular activities. PC's do not handle financial issues (unless the parties mutually agree).